Master of Procrastination Science
Conferred by Tomorrow University
Comprehensive study of delay tactics, the psychology of 'I'll start Monday,' and advanced browser-tab-hoarding strategies. Students complete this program eventually.
"Faciam Id Cras, Promitto"
Program Overview
The Master of Procrastination Science is a graduate program with an unusually flexible completion timeline, which is to say there is no completion timeline and no one has ever finished. Students are accepted on a rolling basis, attend orientation when they get around to it, and are awarded the degree in a ceremony that they will probably want to reschedule. The program is intended for the high-functioning postponer, the person who has confidently described next month as a fresh start every month for eleven consecutive years.
The core curriculum is divided into three pillars. The first is the Psychology of Anticipated Effort, a course of study covering the moment a task moves from a manageable thing on a list into a mountainous abstraction with its own weather. Students learn to identify the subtle physical sensations that signal the onset of avoidance, including the strong urge to clean a different room than the one in which the important task is located. Coursework includes a practicum in opening the email, reading the email, marking it as unread, and then promising yourself a more thoughtful reply later.
The second pillar is Comparative Stalling Theory, a survey of the world's great procrastination traditions. Students examine the European tradition of philosophical hesitation, the East Asian art of ceremonial deferral, and the distinctly North American practice of researching a project for so long that the project itself becomes obsolete. A field component requires each student to start three side projects, abandon all three, and write a reflective essay on the exact second at which each one stopped feeling possible.
The third pillar is the studio sequence in Tab Architecture. Browser tabs are treated here as a legitimate medium of thought. Students learn the discipline of opening twenty-eight tabs in a focused twelve-minute session, leaving them all open across multiple devices for six weeks, and then closing them in a single grim afternoon without reading any of the contents. The required senior tab installation is a multi-window composition titled something like 'I'll read this later' that the thesis committee can browse with a sense of growing unease.
Students who pursue the dual concentration in Applied Calendaring learn to schedule meetings for times they know they will be unable to attend, to block out four-hour deep-work sessions in advance and then watch them shrink to a single rushed email at 4:47 p.m., and to develop the rhetorical poise to describe the previous quarter as 'productive in different ways than expected.' Alumni go on to senior individual contributor roles in industries that reward the appearance of thoughtfulness over the production of measurable output.
A Note From the Dean
Procrastination is not, despite what every productivity book on the airport shelf will tell you, a moral failure. It is closer to a survival strategy for nervous systems that find the gap between intention and action genuinely terrifying. The honest student of delay accepts this and stops looking for a single trick that will fix it.
What our program tries to do is reframe the discipline. If you are going to spend half your life not doing the thing, you may as well do it with style. You may as well develop a theory of the not-doing, a vocabulary for it, an honest acknowledgment of the small social performances involved. The student who can explain why they did not ship the project, in clear and self-aware terms, is more useful to a team than the student who lies about it in a stand-up meeting.
And eventually, sometimes, the procrastinator does the thing. Late. In a panic. With a kind of brittle excellence that surprises everyone, including themselves. Our degree certifies that you understand both halves of this cycle and that you have stopped pretending the second half cancels out the first.
Common Questions About This Program
Is the Master of Procrastination Science an accredited credential?
No. The Master of Procrastination Science conferred by Tomorrow University is a novelty parody. It is not recognized by any actual accrediting body, it does not satisfy any real academic or professional requirement, and it may not be used as evidence of qualification in any setting where a genuine credential is required. Every diploma printed by this site carries a permanent watermark identifying it as a novelty.
Who is this program intended for?
The Master of Procrastination Science is intended for adults who enjoy a particular kind of deadpan satirical premise and would like a printable artifact that extends the joke. Common uses include framed gag gifts, office desk decoration, social media screenshots in private group chats, and the occasional small ceremonial moment when a friend has done something the world refuses to recognize as worth a credential.
How does Tomorrow University relate to the rest of the catalog?
Tomorrow University is a fictional institution whose only public output is the Master of Procrastination Science. It joins a roster of similarly fictional institutions across the catalog. Each institution exists as a small piece of the larger gag, and the names are chosen to evoke a generic flavor of real-world institution that the program is gently teasing. No institution mentioned anywhere on this site refers to a real organization, current or former. Any resemblance to a real school, agency, or business name is unintentional and will be corrected on request.
What does the printed diploma actually look like?
After typing your name and submitting the form below, the site renders a single-page diploma image that includes the program title, your name styled in a traditional diploma script, the fictional institution name, the Latin-style motto, and a small notice identifying the document as a novelty. The artwork is sized to print cleanly at standard letter size on cardstock. There is no digital signature, no embossed seal, and no real watermark beyond the one printed visibly on the artwork itself.
About the Catalog
Every program in the fake.degree catalog is an original satirical creation. The writing team studies an area of contemporary life that has become, in some quiet way, deserving of a degree, and then writes the kind of program bulletin a real university might publish if it were willing to recognize the area honestly. The bulletin you have just read is one of sixteen such programs. New programs are added only when an honest case can be made that the field exists.
If this page made you laugh, the editorial team will consider its work successful. If it made you slightly more skeptical of the next real credential you see described in serious tones, the team will consider its work doubly successful. The diploma is a small piece of printed paper. The work it claims to certify is, in every real case, the work itself. We try, in our small satirical way, never to confuse the two.
Claim Your Credential
Enter your name to generate your official-looking, entirely fake diploma.